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I am Muttering

Weed Killed me on our First Date… An Unforgettable Experience

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8 min read

No one told me this about weed… rather, I never believed when they said it, so I decided to jump off the bus…🙃

*Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes.* “O my God Tom😱! I can’t breathe, my breath cuts short and my throat feels so dry😖…”

 *Struggles to gulp some saliva and begins to fidget and cry uncontrollably… moves closer to Tom and suddenly begins to hassle him.* “Please take me to the hospital!😭  This is not me, something is wrong with me…help me!!😩😩”

weed
Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes

Before then, I had never felt that way before, so scared, uneasy, very alive yet dead at the same time. Something was off; it was like I was communicating with all my multiple personalities in full flesh. My demons came out to play tough. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore, rather the side I enjoyed showing to the world was lost and hoping never to be found. I always heard that Marijuana (weed) could gargle a man’s mind, stir it in full-blown chaos until he loses grip of his actions, but I thought it was a bandwagon fallacy. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

 A little backstory here. On this very chilled day, I went to see my boyfriend (now an ex). He was a stoner and most times had weed littered in some strategic corners of his room. I went to his place to cajole him to follow me to mine; we were supposed to have a nice night together at my place (sips coffee🙃). And ding ding! I saw a somewhat handful of weed staring at me. And I thought to myself “today is the day”…not sure if the Lord made this one though.😏

weed
I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?

“Ah ha! This is the so-called weed right?” I asked rhetorically. “I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?😉”  Tom responded to me with an exciting and charming stare. Finally, his girl gets to taste the unseen goodness he’s been preaching. So I put it in my bag, assisted him in selecting some of his belongings, and off we went to my place. 

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I was so curious, waiting to see the beastly transformation as I stirred my noodles on the fire. I have never sprinkled so much of a particular ingredient on a meal before, but that evening, I became an experimental chef. That moment when you are cooking and you indulge yourself in a monologue. “Is this the right amount?” 🤔 rather than second-guessing, I poured everything in the two packs of noodles. “Yasss! now, this is more like it🤤”, I said as a fulfilled smile ran through my lips.

Criminal: The Original Brownie Lady | WUNC

Read: Does it Mean it’s not Delicious?

I have never been so excited to serve a meal before, let alone noodles ( not a fan🤢). But on this day, I relished it like it was my last supper🤤. At every spoon, I’ll say in my mind “This had better work!” I wanted to see that so much talked about effect. “But when will it start working now🙄?” I pressured Tom at intervals while we ate. And he would always give me a reassuring look to calm down and take my mind off it.

LAUGHING GALORE WITH TOM

About thirty minutes later… I laid down in bed, swooned in some lovey-dovey shenanigans with Tom 💏. Surprisingly we got talking about childhood memories (it usually doesn’t happen with us especially on a night like that). I started to talk about how I always wanted to be a bird. How I loved watching cartoons with the woodpecker featured in it. I began mimicking the bird and told him I wanted to peck his *** with my lips. 

weed woodpecker
The Woodpecker

Have you ever laughed so much that even when you get to your limit, it seems as though you are just getting started? Laughter became insatiable. My nigga started whining me, he asked how I’ll love to peck it, and there I was making animal sounds.  “Graaaaaaaaa…Pkkkkurrr imagine your dick falling off immediately?”. I asked in a stressful sexy tone. Before I knew it, I found myself singing and twerking. For anything, I wouldn’t sing, let alone twerk even if it was the ultimate solution to end a pandemic. The most extreme spoliation was seeing myself trying to muster some sex appeal. How embarrassing?! 😪

Read: My First Sex Experience; Something Worth Sharing or?

I saw all I was doing but I couldn’t bring myself to order. It was like the real me became an audience to my demons. I have never been so out of control but it felt like the more I tried to get a hold of myself, the more misbehavior got the most rewarding part of me.🤧

weed
Have you laughed so much that even when you get to…

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought. With a low voice, I asked “Tom it’s like this thing is working, my chest is hot😟”, I took his hands and placed them on my chest “please touch it. It’s hot right?😰”.  There, it dawned on me that the worst could happen any moment. I jerked off and started pacing around the room.

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I am a thinker and my thoughts can be very extreme. All the bad things I have ever thought of did not just replay in my mind only to say a brief hello, they wanted a full bed space. The worst of it all was dying young and not fulfilling my dreams. That period was when it was trending on the news that a girl who visited her boyfriend got overdosed and died. It was my time to join her😭… O Christ! I couldn’t bear it anymore. I started to hassle Tom to take me to the hospital. Imagine! This was already midnight. He tried to calm me down while reaching for his phone, assuring me he was trying to call his family doctor.

weed
My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought…

Tom! Tom!“… I screamed his name. “Wait a minute! Can you remember if we had an accident on our way here?😫” At this point, I was already crying. I was dead. Rather I thought we were dead and it was our ghosts that was active at the moment. “Maybe we had an accident and this is our ghost🥶”…”Tom we are not alive! We are dead. Christ! What will my mum do, what happens to all my dreams”😭😭… I cried even harder.

Read: Gosh! I Overthink Worst-Case Scenarios

I needed to be sure I was alive so I opened my room door and started running around the compound. “I need to know I’m alive!😱”, I kept reciting like an anthem while I ran. I had the nudge to knock on a friend’s door but Tom held me back. He was already getting pissed but most of him felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do with me but thankfully managed to bring me in. Yet I couldn’t hold still,  so I opened the door again and knocked on the door of my neighbors who lived opposite my flat as loud as I could. For me, it was a case of my ghost displaying, so to debunk that thought I felt if my neighbors could see me in the flesh then I will be a bit calm.🤭

weed
Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?

They were shocked! “Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?🙄” one of them interrogated me with his angry sleepy voice while the other two (all guys) were trying to get themselves together in case it was an armed robbery alert.  “I need to know I’m alive🥶”. I kept screaming and managed to drag them to my room. I could feel the embarrassment on Tom’s face as he narrated what happened to them. Before then, he’s never had an encounter so the impression now will most rightly be “The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed”. But reputation can as well burn in hell!  life is what matters now… I thought within.🤨

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To cut the story short, they offered me some homemade remedies (palm oil and garri) to allay the weed effect. And going forward the experience became an avenue for subtle mockery and laughter whenever boredom came calling my neighbors.😒

weed
The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed

WHY I DECIDED TO SHARE…

I saw a tweet recently that read “what was that drink you overdosed on and you prayed to God that if the effect stops immediately, you’ll never drink again”. It made me remember my experience with weed and the lessons I garnered and so I thought, why not share…

Donate For Muttering Minds

The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you”. This quote began to mean so much after the weed brouhaha. You know, everything I displayed that day were the thoughts I always had hidden inside. In my mind, I am the best dancer and twerker, sometimes when I am by myself, I twerk in front of the mirror. I always want to be sexy, I always imagine myself talking and acting sexy, sometimes I even act it when I am alone. All along I thought they were mere thoughts and goofing, I never knew they were already part of me. My mind had them registered in its nook, but that day, the weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons. 

weed
Weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons.

And the evil thoughts too…Going forward, I learned to always think more about the good things because just like that day, another day could come where it will be only me that can save myself and if I got no motivation inside me, it would become a scary mess😪. Although I still cower at the thought of dying young. God forbid! 😤. But how did weed come to be? Its efficacy remains unmatched. I was going to share my experience with alcohol too but this post already takes a cue from Mariama Ba’s So Long A Letter.  Alcohol also has a way of making me mask off completely, that’s why I never drink with people I am not comfortable with.😕 

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Now your turn! Have you ever had a horrifying high experience? I’ll like to learn about your moment of reckoning. How do you feel when you are high? Why do you feel the need to get high sometimes? And If you are sober or have never taken alcohol or weed before, I’ll like to know why, maybe for your sake, I’ll repent. And yeah… what do you make of my weed experience too?🤓

 

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Mykel Oche
Mykel Oche
3 months ago

My first weed experience was a 3 days trip, yes THREE DAYS. Was in my finals prior to this time I have never taken weed in any form. Me and my hostel mate decides to cook rice with weed in it and of course I was the chef. We used two parcel of weed in the rice, rice and vegetables that it was it looked like. To cut the long story some of the guys went missing at midnight, one went to sleep on to top of a well, the others were banging on my door, In fact we woke… Read more »

Mykel Oche
Mykel Oche
3 months ago

The guy was in 200l and yeah it’s an experience we will never forget 😁

Seyi vandy
Seyi vandy
3 months ago
Reply to  Mykel Oche

Lmao GST. They will swear for you

Sylvia
Sylvia
3 months ago
Reply to  Mykel Oche

Omg! I can imagine, thank God nigga didn’t fall into the well

Seyi vandy
Seyi vandy
3 months ago

Being humble; I’m sure the twerk was not bad. Plus, you have luck i was not your neighbour. Laugh would’ve cleared the effect😂. Nice story, the ghost part got me

Wammy
Wammy
3 months ago

I couldn’t help but laugh while reading this nice piece. I have always imagined how you’d act if you ever got high on alcohol or weed.

Aure
Aure
3 months ago

I laughed so hard😂😂😂…I want to try weed too in form of brownies, what’s the right quantity to take before I run mad from weed😂

Adeleye Olanrewaju
Adeleye Olanrewaju
3 months ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
What an experience

Glory kay
Glory kay
3 months ago

First time I had weed I have always been a very curious person,mehn I love to find out shits especially shits that comes with feelings. I have always wanted to know how it feels like to be on weed even though I was scared of going crazy as I was told weed can cause kolomental. So on that unfaithful day, I was in my neighbor’s house and nigga was busying moulding his bestie as he would call it, and in my head I was like” this is the right time to have a taste of this goodness”.But then the other… Read more »

Zitaaa
Zitaaa
3 months ago

I’ve never taken it😂 I don’t have any experience to share… Lemme continue reading comments and laughing🤣

Wana
Wana
3 months ago

Now I want to try my own too😂😂😂😂😂

Wana
Wana
3 months ago

I’ve never had a weed experience so in definitely putting this on my bucket list😂. Dw I’ll come back and give you full gist. I’ve had numerous alcohol experiences tho. Me and alcohol don’t go well and it always ends in tears but still, I get drunk as soon as I have the opportunity to 😂😂. One time I went for a pool party, I got drunk and on my way to the toilet, I fell into the pool 😂😂😂😂😂😂. My friends were embarrassed on my behalf while I kept laughing after they pulled me out of the pool😂. Needless… Read more »

Tai
Tai
3 months ago

I laughed hard on this one😂😂😂😂 Sincerely, you are one good writer and you sure know how to stir humor 😂😂 Moving forward, I had a talk with some friends yesterday and we kept pondering on the reasons people cheat and also why we have so much drama surrounding relationships. My take was this, amongst all the virtues every human should have, I think DISCIPLINE is key.. I think if human sets a boundary for themselves and create a standard, there are so many messes we won’t get involved in. As humans, we all have selfish desires regardless of any… Read more »

Weknd
Weknd
3 months ago

Yes it was interesting 😂 but it kept me thinking, because I have always thought of smoking weed and I am imagining if this type of thing should happen to me 😔

Father of Many Nations
Father of Many Nations
3 months ago

This is hilarious 😂. This one is definitely up there with my favs here. Just thank your stars I wasn’t one of your neighbours *you for hear am*😂😂

King
King
3 months ago

This is so funny, I laughed so hard.
Well, there is no serious crime in trying with caution.

Idawor Ruth
Idawor Ruth
3 months ago

Oh my God! This is crazy😂😂😂… I don’t really have any experience on weed or alcohol but I can share a story my friend told me. The day for her teaching practice came and she was posted to a community alongside other students. Then one day, some of the student teachers and a Corper decided to cook beans with weed!! According to my friend, they bought a very very strong one. So after preparing it, they ate. The food was sooo delicious that it made them scooping for more. Shortly after they were done, come and see weed manifestation. The… Read more »

Nene
Nene
3 months ago

Whoaaaa this story is damn almost so similar to mine, my first weed experience I cried to be chained cause I thought I was gonna destroy things or run out of the apartment if I wasnt chained. My friend was helped me so well in conducting me and recording the whole show for me to see😂😂😂😂. I felt like I saw millions of myself doing alot of stuffs, I told my friend that our life is a generator and God is the one that drags the rope to turn us on and we are still on, that when we have… Read more »

Nene
Nene
3 months ago

😂😂😂😂 most def he has dragged mine today oh, cause I’m up and kicking, eating and jisting up and down. So happy I found this group today💃💃💃💃

Aji
Aji
3 months ago

Very interesting read! I wish I was one of your neighbors. 🤣🤣.. I for don give u one weird name from that night.🤣🤣.

My candid advice to anyone willing to try weed for the first time is “Don’t ingest it” roll it in a blunt and take a few puffs. It’s easy to control the quantity you take in when you roll it in a blunt than when you cook it….
You will be fine after a few minutes. 😂

Rotez
Rotez
3 months ago

Lmao “I need to know I’m alive” killed me.
I have had CRAZY moments with other drugs
But with weed, nothing worth mentioning, full blown conversations with myself sometimes, trying to calm myself down & not freak out,lol
I tell myself “it’s just a ride’ lol

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
3 months ago

first time I got drunk was when I was 9yrs old. it was a very sweet palm wine, I was drinking it as if it were ribina. Well… I insulted my mum and all my elders sha… It only took 5 slaps and a hot bath outside for me to snap out of it. In my Second experience I called my girlfriend around 12:06am and apologized throughout the call. Why was I apologizing? Up till this moment I have no idea.

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
3 months ago

Well… I was only 9years my brain never strong then. I think hot slaps from mums are divine creation. It solves almost every foreign behavior.

About the apology, I guess that’s true 🤔

Richard
Richard
3 months ago

This is the funniest weed experience… So do you think you would try it again 😂😂😂

Sylvia
Sylvia
3 months ago

Very interesting story! I am certain 80% of people have had this crazy experience

Macstones
Macstones
3 months ago

I laughed so hard reading this. My first experience with weed wasn’t that bad tho, I followed a friend of mine into some place in a street I had never been to smoke, and while walking back to our hostel, my legs felt like they were 5x bigger 😂😂. I got to the hostel and slept all day, lol.

Last edited 3 months ago by Macstones
His Royal Highness
His Royal Highness
3 months ago

Very entertaining read.

Weed brings out the real you, your unfiltered thoughts 😂

Ade
Ade
3 months ago

Interesting and very funny. You should read this thread of first time weed stories on Naira land.
https://www.nairaland.com/1532526/experience-weed

Babatunde
Babatunde
3 months ago

Eating weed is worst than smoking it, as the effect doesn’t start immediately unlike smoking. If you don’t have a strong mind or can’t control your thought,
don’t cook weed with food

Joker
Joker
3 months ago

Weed keeps making me proud…try a moderate quantity next time tho…and you should try edibles…they’re perfect

Isaac
Isaac
2 months ago

Hmmm

Tifeprec
Tifeprec
2 months ago

Mehn, I’ve been high severally oo. Mostly on weed. I either take it as a blunt or add it to my coffee and I’ve never overdosed such that I’ll act up.
I usually just get excited or sleepy and if I have a bad mood before hitting it, I can start to feel a little depressed.
If taken right it’s effects aren’t bad.

Effiong
Effiong
2 months ago

The ghost and twerking part 😂, very hilarious

I was hearing whispers, told my friend to ask them to stop talking 😂

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