Weed Killed me on our First Date… An Unforgettable Experience

No one told me this about weed… rather, I never believed when they said it, so I decided to jump off the bus…🙃

*Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes.* “O my God Tom😱! I can’t breathe, my breath cuts short and my throat feels so dry😖…”

 *Struggles to gulp some saliva and begins to fidget and cry uncontrollably… moves closer to Tom and suddenly begins to hassle him.* “Please take me to the hospital!😭  This is not me, something is wrong with me…help me!!😩😩”

Before then, I had never felt that way before, so scared, uneasy, very alive yet dead at the same time. Something was off; it was like I was communicating with all my multiple personalities in full flesh. My demons came out to play tough. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore, rather the side I enjoyed showing to the world was lost and hoping never to be found. I always heard that Marijuana (weed) could gargle a man’s mind, stir it in full-blown chaos until he loses grip of his actions, but I thought it was a bandwagon fallacy. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

 A little backstory here. On this very chilled day, I went to see my boyfriend (now an ex). He was a stoner and most times had weed littered in some strategic corners of his room. I went to his place to cajole him to follow me to mine; we were supposed to have a nice night together at my place (sips coffee🙃). And ding ding! I saw a somewhat handful of weed staring at me. And I thought to myself “today is the day”…not sure if the Lord made this one though.😏

“Ah ha! This is the so-called weed right?” I asked rhetorically. “I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?😉”  Tom responded to me with an exciting and charming stare. Finally, his girl gets to taste the unseen goodness he’s been preaching. So I put it in my bag, assisted him in selecting some of his belongings, and off we went to my place. 

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I was so curious, waiting to see the beastly transformation as I stirred my noodles on the fire. I have never sprinkled so much of a particular ingredient on a meal before, but that evening, I became an experimental chef. That moment when you are cooking and you indulge yourself in a monologue. “Is this the right amount?” 🤔 rather than second-guessing, I poured everything in the two packs of noodles. “Yasss! now, this is more like it🤤”, I said as a fulfilled smile ran through my lips.

Read: Does it Mean it’s not Delicious?

I have never been so excited to serve a meal before, let alone noodles ( not a fan🤢). But on this day, I relished it like it was my last supper🤤. At every spoon, I’ll say in my mind “This had better work!” I wanted to see that so much talked about effect. “But when will it start working now🙄?” I pressured Tom at intervals while we ate. And he would always give me a reassuring look to calm down and take my mind off it.

LAUGHING GALORE WITH TOM

About thirty minutes later… I laid down in bed, swooned in some lovey-dovey shenanigans with Tom 💏. Surprisingly we got talking about childhood memories (it usually doesn’t happen with us especially on a night like that). I started to talk about how I always wanted to be a bird. How I loved watching cartoons with the woodpecker featured in it. I began mimicking the bird and told him I wanted to peck his *** with my lips. 

Have you ever laughed so much that even when you get to your limit, it seems as though you are just getting started? Laughter became insatiable. My nigga started whining me, he asked how I’ll love to peck it, and there I was making animal sounds.  “Graaaaaaaaa…Pkkkkurrr imagine your dick falling off immediately?”. I asked in a stressful sexy tone. Before I knew it, I found myself singing and twerking. For anything, I wouldn’t sing, let alone twerk even if it was the ultimate solution to end a pandemic. The most extreme spoliation was seeing myself trying to muster some sex appeal. How embarrassing?! 😪

Read: My First Sex Experience; Something Worth Sharing or?

I saw all I was doing but I couldn’t bring myself to order. It was like the real me became an audience to my demons. I have never been so out of control but it felt like the more I tried to get a hold of myself, the more misbehavior got the most rewarding part of me.🤧

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought. With a low voice, I asked “Tom it’s like this thing is working, my chest is hot😟”, I took his hands and placed them on my chest “please touch it. It’s hot right?😰”.  There, it dawned on me that the worst could happen any moment. I jerked off and started pacing around the room.

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I am a thinker and my thoughts can be very extreme. All the bad things I have ever thought of did not just replay in my mind only to say a brief hello, they wanted a full bed space. The worst of it all was dying young and not fulfilling my dreams. That period was when it was trending on the news that a girl who visited her boyfriend got overdosed and died. It was my time to join her😭… O Christ! I couldn’t bear it anymore. I started to hassle Tom to take me to the hospital. Imagine! This was already midnight. He tried to calm me down while reaching for his phone, assuring me he was trying to call his family doctor.

“Tom! Tom!“… I screamed his name. “Wait a minute! Can you remember if we had an accident on our way here?😫” At this point, I was already crying. I was dead. Rather I thought we were dead and it was our ghosts that was active at the moment. “Maybe we had an accident and this is our ghost🥶”…”Tom we are not alive! We are dead. Christ! What will my mum do, what happens to all my dreams”😭😭… I cried even harder.

Read: Gosh! I Overthink Worst-Case Scenarios

I needed to be sure I was alive so I opened my room door and started running around the compound. “I need to know I’m alive!😱”, I kept reciting like an anthem while I ran. I had the nudge to knock on a friend’s door but Tom held me back. He was already getting pissed but most of him felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do with me but thankfully managed to bring me in. Yet I couldn’t hold still,  so I opened the door again and knocked on the door of my neighbors who lived opposite my flat as loud as I could. For me, it was a case of my ghost displaying, so to debunk that thought I felt if my neighbors could see me in the flesh then I will be a bit calm.🤭

They were shocked! “Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?🙄” one of them interrogated me with his angry sleepy voice while the other two (all guys) were trying to get themselves together in case it was an armed robbery alert.  “I need to know I’m alive🥶”. I kept screaming and managed to drag them to my room. I could feel the embarrassment on Tom’s face as he narrated what happened to them. Before then, he’s never had an encounter so the impression now will most rightly be “The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed”. But reputation can as well burn in hell!  life is what matters now… I thought within.🤨

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To cut the story short, they offered me some homemade remedies (palm oil and garri) to allay the weed effect. And going forward the experience became an avenue for subtle mockery and laughter whenever boredom came calling my neighbors.😒

WHY I DECIDED TO SHARE…

I saw a tweet recently that read “what was that drink you overdosed on and you prayed to God that if the effect stops immediately, you’ll never drink again”. It made me remember my experience with weed and the lessons I garnered and so I thought, why not share…

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“The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you”. This quote began to mean so much after the weed brouhaha. You know, everything I displayed that day were the thoughts I always had hidden inside. In my mind, I am the best dancer and twerker, sometimes when I am by myself, I twerk in front of the mirror. I always want to be sexy, I always imagine myself talking and acting sexy, sometimes I even act it when I am alone. All along I thought they were mere thoughts and goofing, I never knew they were already part of me. My mind had them registered in its nook, but that day, the weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons. 

And the evil thoughts too…Going forward, I learned to always think more about the good things because just like that day, another day could come where it will be only me that can save myself and if I got no motivation inside me, it would become a scary mess😪. Although I still cower at the thought of dying young. God forbid! 😤. But how did weed come to be? Its efficacy remains unmatched. I was going to share my experience with alcohol too but this post already takes a cue from Mariama Ba’s So Long A Letter.  Alcohol also has a way of making me mask off completely, that’s why I never drink with people I am not comfortable with.😕 

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Now your turn! Have you ever had a horrifying high experience? I’ll like to learn about your moment of reckoning. How do you feel when you are high? Why do you feel the need to get high sometimes? And If you are sober or have never taken alcohol or weed before, I’ll like to know why, maybe for your sake, I’ll repent. And yeah… what do you make of my weed experience too?🤓