I am Muttering

Why Look for What the Other Person is not Saying?

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2 min read

I have a friend who is a videographer, recently she had a finished work shown to me and to be honest I was so impressed at the level she had attained with the skill.

You are really good Onyi. frankly I was unsure of how it would be but u did justice”. I said.

And she goes Hope it’s not flattery but please I’m taking the compliment”.

Why are we fashioned this way though? Why do we always think there is more to what the someone says?

You say to someone I miss you… And they go Hmmm are you sure? Or is it because you are bored you miss me”.

I won’t lie, I am also guilty of disconfirming compliments. I really don’t know how to stomach them, I either pretend like I didn’t hear you or I look for a way to sweet talk you into saying it repeatedly before I can believe you.


Why ask “are you sure”?

Another instance is when we wrong a person so bad and they say “I forgive you”. 

The first thing we say is “Really! Are you sure?… I don’t believe you”  instead of first accepting that we have been forgiven.

Why do we always look for what the other person is not saying? Yes, I understand sometimes we know that the other person is lying, but should that be our worry? Perhaps we don’t think we merit such compliments. Another angle is that we counter it immediately so we don’t come off as proud when we confidently affirm it.

READ ALSO: How to Receive a Compliment Without Being Awkward About It

Or just maybe the problem is with ‘us’, maybe if we were in their shoes, we won’t mean it and so it creates some trust issues seeing another man beat us to our own game.

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3 years ago

I’m not one to tell somebody they are not good at what they do even if they truly suck. I have learnt to be economical with the truth. I lavish them with praises and tell them to keep at what they do. Even when I see the need to offer mild criticism, I use doublespeak. People don’t take constructive criticism these days lightly. They misconstrue it as hate or envy Asking for re-confirmation after a compliment has been offered simply means you suspect the person offering the compliment doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, diminish your confidence or bruise your… Read more »

3 years ago

I’m just here to tell you that you are do I g a great Job and I really enjoy reading your posts.
Thanks for always posting.

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